Allen Texas Dentist And A Secret Clearance

by theaffordablewebguy on October 6, 2011

Last week, we were able to launch a new website for Sunrise Dental, a new dentist in Allen, Texas where Dr. Linda Jacob provides her patients everything from general dentistry services to complex dental procedures and cosmetic services like Zoom teeth whitening. Good luck with the new business Dr. Jacob!

Since I’ve never been to a dentist that offered them, I find it quite interesting that she’s providing massaging dental chairs! In hindsight, that seems like a no-brainer when you consider how stressful a check-ups can be for some people. Between these new chairs and an iPod/iPhone, one might be inclined to nap the next time you’re at the dentist. Can I just say that the iPod has revolutionized the whole dentist and lawn mowing experience.

Anyway.

Even before getting my wisdom teeth removed by an Army dentist in 1986, I’ve never really been bothered by my dental visits. I was guarding mobile Pershing missiles in Germany (back in the old days when there WAS a West Germany) and I’d been given a Secret Clearance (impressive, eh!?) “Without A Need To Know” (ok, not so impressive). So basically, if I walked into a room where the plans for world domination were being outlined, I’d be asked to leave but with no hard feelings. But in a crazed effort to get out of morning PT and the 5 mile runs in the German winter (while wearing what what was called a “banana suit”: wafer thin military issued sweats), I more or less “created the need” for a dental procedure by claiming that my wisdom teeth hurt and I needed to have them removed. Not only was I getting out the morning run, I was saving myself a potential post military expense. I really, really hate running. So no strategy to avoid them was too fantastic.

I made my way to the dentist across the base and eventually end up in the chair of a Lt. Colonel who read my file and announced that due to my secret clearance he’d not be allowed to fully knock me out and that I’d be getting a local. The argument being, I might start sharing national security secrets in my sleep. As a Private First Class, I was of course a treasure trove of national secrets. But the entire process was more or less pain free and I was even out that same night for some light recreation in the city of Ulm where I was based. My teeth weren’t impacted so I got off easier than most; no violent barfing or blowing up like a chipmunk. I won’t bring up the fact that later in the day, I actually extracted (with blood) some small slivers of toothy bits that the good Colonel has neglected to full extract. I guess you get what you pay for.

Footnote: I had been inactive about two years when I got a letter from the Army outlining the terms of my previously mentioned secret clearance. Per the letter, the information I had regarding the Pershing missiles would remain classified for a term of 99 yrs and that I was compelled to sign and return the attached form. I did. What did I care, eh? And about two yrs after that, I saw the Pershing again–face to face at a Smithsonian display.

“Sergeant, does this mean we’re through for the day?”

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